Consider Your Beauty

Beautiful has always been a hard word to tell me. I never looked at myself and saw what God saw. I grew up “easily influenced”, I remember in the fifth grade my friends at the time said, they “hated” weaves and I went right along with it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my natural hair now however, a couple of years ago I told my mother “I don’t like my natural hair anymore”. A statement, she never seizes to remind me of. So, why did I change my mind… it all started in high school.

High school, changed my whole perspective on my hair and body. I have seen, wigs, straight hair, and “the” figure. An altogether, popular and captivating look, my high school experience surrounded me.

I got body shamed at home and now I was getting it at school. This sounds typical, right? Well, that’s the problem! I continuously allowed debased thoughts and words about me to impart anxiety and depression. Starting from, “I hate weaves” meaning love me, to “I’m ugly without them”. My self-consciousness, worsened when I allowed opinions about myself to define who I was. The way I felt about myself went all around the world, to the worst possibilities EVER having not a soul noticed. I would get anxious getting around everyone thinking that, as I walk into a room people would immediately point out my flaws or laugh in my face. I was traumatized, so I kept to myself however, I said worse things towards myself. I did not like who I was because I did not know who I was.

Covid-19 has shifted everyone’s life in every way possible. So many people were hit with something different. For me, the encounter I had with Jesus was mind-blowing. I spend that year isolated, away from all the voices that knocked me down. Instead, I got closer to the voice of the Lord, who lifted me up. You guys know that song ‘Knock You Down’, “sometimes love comes around… and it knocks you down… just get back up”. The so-called “love” I presumed to have of myself, knocked me down. The hidden insecurities killed my soul however, the life-giver and changer picked me back up, I did nothing! That testimony is up on my YouTube channel: TaylorC. That said, being saved by the Lord has brought me out of shame and transformed me into who I really am! I was a person who would criticize everything wrong with me, I told myself awful and untrue things. God allowed me to see the truth.

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